A little help for my countrymen

Regard:

As you and I know, my fellow Americans, this is an escalator (or a picture of one, rather). Aren't they helpful? They help us to ascend and descend with ease and comparative swiftness. Such nice things, except for when they eat childrens' shoelaces; and really, whose fault is that? Was it the escalator who didn't teach you to "make the bunny ears," "loop, swoop, etc."? Probably not...but I digress. See, as much time as Americans spend on escalators, one would expect that they would know how to use them. But, during my Christmas shopping trips, I was confounded once again by the complete lack of any such understanding. It wasn't that people were falling while getting off or tripping while getting on, or even getting their shoelaces caught. It was the fact that people, generally groups of people, will get on and stand there, sedentary, on both the right and the left. Here's my point:

STAND ON THE RIGHT.
MOVE ON THE LEFT.

That. is how. it works. It's like driving on a multi-lane highway; drive in the right lane, pass on the le...oh, wait, yeah, a lot of people aren't getting that, either. Anyway, unless you want me to start carrying a shiv and using it on you as you stand there blocking my way, learn how this works. It's easy, really. Just repeat yourself, "Stand on the right, move on the left." You could even shorten it, "Stand right, move left."

Just get out of my way, for the love of all that's holy, you idiots.