bridal JEOPARDY!

Answer: This dress.



Contestant 1: What is...what do I do if my shoulders get hot?
Alex: That is correct.

Oh thank God. I was thinking I'd have to smear anti-perspirant on my shoulders, but no more! I wonder if the belt is there to make up for the loss of structural integrity in the shoulder area.

the cruel bride

"Josie! Teddy and I just got engaged! I just HAD to call you first...oooh! I'm so excited!"
"Wow, Mandy! That's awesome! Oh my God, I am so happy for you two! YAY!"
"Oh Josie! I want you to be my maid of honor! I love you! Oh my God!"



Now, perhaps this is what the bride would pick out when she finds out that:
a) Josie and Teddy lost their virginity to each other and never told her.
b) Josie just got a modeling contract.
c) Josie is dating the bride's recently divorced father.
d) All of the above.

Do you like the appealing color? I like to call "fresh carpet beige." Do you like the pockets? Handy for hiding that ice pick, hmm? I like both of those, but what I like best is the bolero jacket. That's right, it's a short-sleeved bolero jacket. From what 80s hell did this designer emerge? I hope that we none of us ever find out. And to be fair, there are some dresses worth serious consideration on the website where this came from, which is half of why I was so startled by it. Seriously, check out the look on her face. If that doesn't say, "Bitch, I'll claw your eyes out and feed them to my cat for this," I don't know what does.

noncommital commitment

Hello everybody

Well, I would now say that we are 95% sure that the wedding will be in Salzburg. The date's the hard part, but it will be somewhere between the last two weeks of March and the first week or two of April, 2006. It's been a struggle just to narrow it down to that, so please, be proud of us. It's hard enough for us to decide what kind of toppings we want on a pizza, and last night I had a two-minute crisis about whether to buy 2% or whole milk at the grocery store. Other than that, the most concrete planning I've done is putting together a "do not play" list for the dance that will ensue somewhere, at some point. A sample:
- Anything requiring organized dancing: the macarena, the electric slide, the chicken dance, YMCA, the bunny hop, etc.
- Any country music. Possible exceptions include Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash.
- Celine Dion
- Mariah Carey
- Edie Brickell
- Simon and/or Garfunkel
- Jennifer Lopez
- Fleetwood Mac
- Goo Goo Dolls
- Kenny G
- Will Smith
- Sarah McLachlan

...and on it goes. The most recent addition is Neil Diamond. At my cousin Tracy's wedding in November, the band decided to break out "We're Coming To America." It was clear that the band's singer really fancied himself quite the Neil Diamond impersonator, and he threw every last fibre of his being into the performance. It was a moment of bizarre incongruity at what was otherwise a really lovely, tasteful and classy event. Thus, no Neil Diamond. Send your suggestions, please.